Don't Rush It...

How many times have you gotten caught up with where you think you should be in life rather than enjoying where you are right now?  I'm guilty too because, let my life timeline tell it, I'm supposed to be in Brooklyn getting my Sidney Shaw on.  Instead, I'm in the South Suburbs of Chicago, blogging on my grandparent's seemingly comfortable green couch that swallows whoever sits on it, while holding down a part time job at a gym.  I'm actually doing pretty good when you think about it.  I don't have to stress about a car note or rent, groceries or gas (when I'm not driving my dad's truck) whereas a lot of my peers do.  I have a place to stay, food to eat, and a supportive family who seems to be very proud of all that I do.  But then, there are times when I feel as if I did something wrong along the way because I don't have a car nor am I living on my own.

I was just over at Essence.com, checking out Janelle Harris' column where she encourages us to ditch the timelines we have mapped out for ourselves and just continue to work at achieving the ultimate goal.  She, like many of us, had it all figured out: She would have a job fresh out of college (ha!), married by 25, own a brownstone in Brooklyn by 27 and have earned her PhD. by 30 (whew!).  For the record, if she was able to accomplish all that in that 6-7 year window after undergrad, I would have followed that woman to the ends of the Earth because, clearly, she harbored the secret to successful living.

Holding true to form, life had a different plan for Janelle and instead of rushing through life as she wanted to, she is being forced to enjoy the space she is in now, continuing to learn the kind of woman she is.

Two years after hitting that milestone age, I’m learning to be mindful that my success isn’t going to be mapped out according to years or ages, but when God can best use me. I might not have been ready to be a good wife at 25 and I might’ve wasted my money on a Ph.D. at 28 because I wasn’t mature enough to put it to work. There’s a point when you fight for your goals and there’s a point where you have to ask yourself if you’re fighting too hard for something because it’s just not the right season. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t set goals, even possible dates for when you’d like to have them achieved. You just can’t be so rigid about them that you focus on the accomplishment more than the journey that it takes to get there—though I may need someone to remind me of that every now and then. Be determined, but don’t be defined by your age or your own personal deadlines.

You’ve got time.

Read more: http://www.essence.com/2012/02/24/the-write-or-die-chick-go-for-the-goal-not-the-timeline/#ixzz1noGYnxAh

That concluding passage made me think of my own personal life goals.  It's no secret that I want go to grad school in New York, ultimately transitioning into life there.  A few months ago, I posted something speaking of my procrastination and how I was letting fear keep me from applying to graduate programs but what if it isn't fear?  What if my procrastination is God's way of telling me I'm not ready for New York at 23?  Janelle's article made it clear to me that there is a fine line between being patient while waiting on God & being a lazy procrastinator.  How do I differentiate the two?

God has been placing helpful people in my life that are opening doors of opportunity for me in my intended field which is why I'm not really pressed about me still living at home.  My mother has told me before that as long as I do what I'm supposed to do, God will do the rest.  "Faith without works is dead" is the scripture she often quotes to me.

Right now, my job is to step out of my shell and get started with this new freelancing gig I just got with The Chicago Crusader, among a few other publications.  I have to continue to build my resume as well as thicken my skin a bit before I can successfully transition into life in the Big Apple.

I'm not giving up on my dream, rather putting it in God's hands as he will continue to prepare me for life there. Like Janelle said, I've got time =)  Meanwhile, I'll continue to pray for patience and direction, trusting that God will put me exactly where I need to be.

Friends With Benefits

I have never been one to give serious thought to the aforementioned but as of late, I've begun to wonder if I'm capable of having such a relationship.  My stance on it is simple: as long as both parties know where the other stands, go for it if that is what you're in to.  If not, stay away.

When asked if I could ever be in that kind of situation, I would always say 'no' off top because I know me and my emotions.  There's a possibility I could get attached, having shared a very intimate part of myself with someone.  But, while at work today, I delved a little deeper.  Could I actually be woman enough to constantly separate my emotions for just a moment?  Would I be able to maintain a working relationship with said friend after things have become intimate between us?  Do I really think it would be a good idea to do so?

I do not know of anyone personally who has a friend with benefits but I read a lot and see it in one form or the other on a daily basis.  At times, it is encouraged, assuming one is proceeding with caution, as this is a very sensitive area.  Other times, shunned.

As is customary of Hollywood, it always seems effortless in the movies to set up this kind of arrangement and have it flow flawlessly.  Fortunately, in the real world, we know that the chances are slim.  There are some rules to this thing.  Communication being the foremost (in my opinion).

But what about the rules that are unwritten?  Like how does a friends with benefits situation actually work?  Are we allowed to cuddle after because I really like that stuff. Can I tell you my innermost thoughts as we lay in a lazy stupor after a session? Is that too much like a real relationship?  Are we allowed to text/call each other for non-benefit purposes?  What about hanging out in public or are our meetings relegated to the privacy of one's home?  These are questions I need answers to.

What is your stance on the friends with benefits?  Have you ever been in a situation like this?  How did it turn out for you?  Would you do it again?  Talk to me!  I need answers

Racism: Will It Ever Go Away?

As I sit here and enjoy my lazy morning/afternoon with coffee, news and jazz (Kenneth Whalum III's 'To Those Who Believe' album), I receive a text message with a link to a video.  As is true form of this friend of mine to send links to songs or videos, I opened it up, anticipating some new tunes I'd quickly convert to mp3 form but I was in for something much greater.

Apparently, five days ago, a Youtube video of two young girls (one of which who claims to be of Cuban and Irish American descent) went on a 14 minute rant about Black people and their disdain for them.  Six and a half minutes into this video, I was sitting here, mouth hanging open in disbelief (partly because of their use of the word 'nigger'...the other at their ignorance) *btw: I have never been one to get upset over a non-black using the term because I have used the word before.  Don't see the logic in me banishing someone else's use of it*

I was immediately enraged as I sat, unable to exit out of the video because I wanted to hear their logic behind why they hated the niggers that attend their school (Gainesville High School) and how they (ignorant blacks) don't know how to speak properly and how they abuse the welfare system, opting to drop out of high school to have babies only to collect a check.

What in the ENTIRE hell?! (*insert another four letter word beginning with 'f')

How ignorant does one have to be to one, record this shit THEN have the audacity to send it millions of people around the world via Youtube?!

Naturally, the Internets went wild, blacks and whites alike, because like me, they could not believe the amount of ignoramus in these two simple broads!

I have always been aware that racism is still prevalent today in 2012.  It doesn't seem like we'll ever really reach the dream Dr. King spoke about back in 1963.  I don't want to say that I've grown to accept it but for lack of a better term...

They just sound so young and immature and part of me wants to feel sorry for them but I can't get past the anger.

This is a video of the news clip regarding this video shortly after officials learned of what was happening.

What are your thoughts on this video?  What is your stance on welfare as a whole?  Do you think there are people (of any race/background) who abuse its help, growing comfortable in its security instead of using it as the intended stepping stone?

How "Bad" Are You?

Talk about brutal honesty!!

Since TT released this track last week, I've been playing it nonstop partly because she has a beautiful voice that oozes sexuality.  The other being that her words are ones that I wish were my own...in a sense.

The 19-20 year old Ball State student exudes the confidence that I sometimes wish I possessed.  She's telling this guy in the song, up front, that "the sex will be great between us but if you're looking for anything past that, I'm not your girl".

"I'll be a bad girl.  I'll prove it to you.  Can't promise that I'll be good to you 'cause I have some issues...I won't commit...no. Not havin' it..."

I joked with my friends, stating that she says the stuff that I want to say only if the prude within would let me be great (there are some things I feel should be kept off of social media and/or public conversations).

In this song, Thomas samples Trillville's "Some Cut" from way back when and manages to add some sexy to it, amidst her crooning about a one night stand (it definitely landed itself on a playlist, if you know what I mean...*wink*).

It got me to thinking what if everyone laid their cards out on the table as Thomas has done?  Would you confess to a guy that you'd turn him out as long as he understood that you weren't shit?  Would you respect a guy that admitted his flaws to you?  Would you settle for the bomb sex or hold out for what you deserve?

*check out more of Tiara Thomas' songs on her youtube page.  Follow her on Twitter @Tiara_Thomas*