Viral Violence

I am so over the Youtube videos showcasing violence, especially the ones where women are the victims. This is not a feminist post or me standing on my soapbox talking about why, in no way, is violence against women okay (although I don't condone it). Nor is this me justifying the behavior of these men. It's just me simply saying that I'm tired of seeing it. This is me being aware of the disconnect in society; me trying to find something to fill these gaping holes in the world we live in.

Just a couple of weeks ago, both my Twitter and Instagram timelines went crazy with links and screenshots of the bus driver who uppercut the shit out of an unruly woman. I watched, in utter disbelief, wondering why. Why no one stopped him (namely the man that was standing next to the woman before she got hit). Why the driver felt the need to respond to the passengers antics at all. And, most importantly, why he felt an uppercut would be most effective. In NO WAY was that blow okay. Hell, boxers, who get paid to punch other boxers rarely use that punch.

This evening, on my way home from a fun night, my friend/coworker sent me a video link, which I knew from the title, would not be something that I would enjoy.

 "Watch Lil Reese #GBE300 Beating Up a B*tch"

I shook my head as I pressed play, as if the title weren't enough.

Here, see for yourself: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mvKENK5xqm8&feature=youtube_gdata_player

To say that I'm sad would be an understatement. The state of the world we live in is simply terrible. The fact that all but one person was standing around as if this were normal behavior is ludicrous to me. Judging from the conversation, the victim didn't want him (assailant) in what appeared to be a house party because he had a gun. When she confronted him about it, things got way out of hand. Before you're able to really process what the discrepancy is about, all you see are a barrage of punches being thrown as she is backed into the wall, trying to shield herself.

"Get up outta here, b*tch. Get up outta here." 

That's all I heard over another girl repeatedly screaming, "Wait!" as she tried to stop the boy from landing very accurate kicks and punches to the victim's face. In fact, the only person I saw attempt to break up the attack was the girl.

In my opinion, violence towards women is never okay. Hell, no one should put their hands on anyone unless it's your own child that you're reprimanding. Some people believe that if a woman is man enough to put her hands on a man then she deserves what follows. I'm not saying I agree but I let's be clear--I know better than to physically challenge a man.

Having watched the video a few times, I am seriously at a lost for words. What went wrong? Where was the ball dropped? We have become an unruly people who do not respect people, let alone authority. [Respect] has been lost. Long gone. If I didn't fear for our future before, I do now. Most of the youth today are destructive and don't give a damn. It is really enough to bring me to tears when I sit and think about all the lost and hurting souls, roaming aimlessly about the streets.

How do we begin to help them? How can we?

What You Want Vs. What You Need

photo credit: vindicarlo.com

How does this thing work? We meet, date, and fall in love? Well what if it doesn't come right away? Am I supposed to wait for the feeling to settle in the pit of my stomach, fluttering around all crazy like? If I don't feel the butterflies immediately, am I allowed to move on? If not, what's the customary waiting period?

A few months have passed 

and a considerable amount of time has been spent

We both enjoy each other's company 

but I'm afraid that's where it ends with me
What about the other stuff? 

Dating is good. I actually love the idea of it all but let's be real. Humans are physical creatures by nature. We're attracted to what looks good. We have to be turned on in more ways than one. Liking you because you're easygoing and because you make me laugh is cool but I want to lust after you a lot a little.

You see, I learned that the men we date are separated into two categories (word to that Belle up in Brooklyn). The first type is A, aka, boyfriend/hubby material. Then there's the B type. Some would call him the no nothing ass nigga or maybe even a boo thang. Demetria Lucas, a.k.a. Belle, couldn't have said it better in her book: B, at best, is a one-night stand on vacation. 

*she also used a Sex and the City reference; A for Aidan, B for Big, to give you a clearer understanding of the two*

Instead of treating him like such, some of us ladies tend to look past the dysfunction in an attempt to build a solid relationship with him, leaving A blowing in the wind.

My dilemma comes in when I want to lust after A like I would B. What happens if/when I never feel that lust for A? Do I just stick him in the friend zone where he may already be too comfortable? Or do I wait? Belle already warned us to never leave an A for a B (I know Carrie ultimately left Aidan for Big in SATC but look how long it took for them to get it right. Multiple seasons AND two movies,one of which she was stood up at the altar?? Who has that kinda time??).

If the world doesn't stop for A like it does when I'm with or even thinking about B, is that a bad sign? Part of me wants to say no because the thing with B is one based off lust from jump. Everything with him is top speed. You act first and think about the repercussions later with little to no regard. With A, more time is spent digging through the others' layers in an attempt to break through that guarded heart.

Because things are supposed to progress at a slower rate with A, does that include the lusty feelings too?

People always say that the nice guys finish last and from the description of the two types in Belle's book, I totally agree. I know women who will stop the world for their B one minute and be crying the next because he kept pushing with his. Hell, I've been one! As Belle said, everything is different between these two men, one glaring difference being the sex. It's not just about the sex , of course, but with all that emotion, could it be anything other than mountain-moving? It's not the kissy, lovey-dovey, nice only-in-the-bedroom- sex you have with A; this is Pinky-Cherokee--Italia Blue pornographic. And you love it!

This has the potential to be a real dilemma. It's been a question swimming in my head for weeks now. What is it about the B type that is so magnetic? In your sanest of moments, you know that he is no good for you. He'll leave you flustered throughout the day as a result of his inconsistency and evasive speech. Or maybe he's too blunt for you, saying whatever he feels whether it hurts your feelings or not. Either way, you still answer when he calls.

The A type is the one you know you should give a real chance to but for whatever reason, you won't can't. He's the type you wouldn't want to risk a friendship with by taking things further. He's the safety net.

Is it possible that there can be men out there who possess both of these traits? One who's everything that A is with bits of B sprinkled throughout. Could I be asking for too much?

I need answers y'all. Insight. Something!