Long Live Your Idols...

In light of what seems to be the longest battle with writer's block ever, I begin scrolling through Instagram and Twitter, as I often do in my idle time. Between the two social networks, I follow a collective of creatives I once felt connected to in the name of artistry. Lately though, I've been feeling like the outcast, sitting lonely in the corner of the lunchroom while the cool kids huddle in the center, laughing as if their lives were as carefree as they appeared. 

I want what they have.

Today though, I woke up inspired to create. Even amongst my First World Problem meltdown (of three different means of technology, I couldn't get one to show me the "Crooked Smile" video) I had the urge to write.Of the 807 people I am following via IG, there are a few I pull inspiration from. Today is the day they'll see the impact they have on my creative spirit.

Rivaflowz -- Having already dubbed her as my mentor, it is only right that I list this wordsmith first. I was reacquainted with Riv a little after Demetria Lucas reposted the book review done on A Belle in Brooklyn. At the time, I was almost swearing by everything Demetria posted, as a loyal fan should, so I clicked the link. Automatically, I fell in love with the tone of it all. The way Riv effortlessly strung words together; I felt like I had never read the book before (at the time, I'm sure I was on read number three). Immediately, I followed her on every medium I could, discovered her blog and spent countless hours raking through her archives. Her words literally make me want to discard everything I've ever written and just start over.

WrittenbyBene -- This young writer is another I came across while devoting all of my waking time to Ms. Lucas' tweets. Bene Viera is an inspiration simply because she is where I want to be right now. Only a couple years older than me, she shares the same story as all of my favorite writers: moving to New York with virtually no money with big dreams to land a permanent position in the folds of their favorite glossy. I admire her Give No F*cks attitude because she's going to say/write whatever she feels whenever it comes to mind. Plus, I can always count on her bio to have a dope quote or two.

Alex_Elle -- I love this DMV native's creative spirit as a whole. How I actually came across her page, I cannot remember but I have always been an admirer of her jewelry line, shopALS. Over the years, I've watched her on her journey to a better, healthier, more enlightened self as she shared bits and pieces of her life through her Instagram posts. She seems like the kind of person I would have in my circle.

abelleinbrooklyn -- If you've read any post prior to this or just know me in general, you understand the love I have for this woman in a teacher/student, e-mentor/e-mentee kind of way. Demetria Lucas is what I see, right now, as the culmination of the life I want to live as a writer. As the former Relationships Editor of Essence magazine, she has created a brand and relentlessly built on it. When I got the opportunity to meet her last year, I was in awe the entire time. I even remember the slightly awkward moment we shared before we decided who would kiss which cheek before my coveted picture. Since then, I've continued to read anything her name is attached to just because there is always a teaching moment with her, whether it be something regarding the industry or a lesson in life or love.

All four of these women inspire me in different ways and I'm glad that I was able to connect with them in one form or another. I would love the opportunity to meet and sit with each of them to pick their brains but until then, I'll continue to follow via IG or Twitter and connect through the interwebs.

Thank you ladies for constantly awakening the muse in me even if I don't always act on it. I admire every post, picture and piece of prose because it helps remind me that I, too, have a story to tell.

Leave it all Behind

A few weeks ago, on the drive home from work, a question was posed on the radio to the listening audience:

Would you trade the person you love for complete freedom? You would have no worries. You're free to travel wherever you want in the world as many times as you'd like. Money would be no object, work would be no more, etc. The only catch is that you can't fall in love.

As I cruised down Lake Shore Drive, I pondered the possibilities. Knowing me and my emotional self, I wondered if I could handle a life with no real intimacy. Of course, all my other needs would be met. My '94 Nissan Altima, which I'm extremely thankful for, would be replaced with a sleek brand new something. I would have all the material things I could ever dream of having. Even my cliched Brooklyn brownstone (word to Sidney Shaw) would be a reality.

When I asked the question to the group of friends I met up with, a few shouted an eager, "Hell yea!" My attempt at starting some kind of friendly debate failed because no one could give me a real reason as to why they'd choose freedom over love. Not to say there is a right or wrong answer--I just wanted to hear the different views.

Has the beauty of love lost it's luster? Do we really live in a world where people are willing to go through life without it in lieu of financial security?

I wanted to go home and write about this immediately but I decided against it, opting to give the question more thought. I wanted to be sure that I was considering all of the possibilities that could come out of me trading in a life of love for material possessions.

If you know me, you know I'm a lover. My best friend thinks I'm an asshole (lol) but, deep down, she knows I'm soft as hell. To imagine a life without love and still manage being happy is almost impossible for me to do. As much as I would love to travel the world over and over again, I would much rather experience the emotions felt when learning to grow with another person.

What about you? Would you trade love for everything?

Out of Ink...

There are days I feel like I'm not cut out for this
But that's typically when I'm feeling inadequate
Words of encouragement slightly breathe life into my mood
As I try to determine if what they say is genuine
I know what my heart feels
But what if this isn't my calling
I don't know how to do anything else
Day in and day out, I sit on the brink of tears
Searching for myself
Searching for my voice
Which has been clawed out of my esophagus
Lost among a plethora of words unspoken
And feelings unheard

Delusions of Grandeur

Starting out, things are beautiful. Butterflies flutter aimlessly about your mid-section as you fight hard to contain the wide smile struggling to get out. The impossible is easy to you; no task too great to accomplish.

...and you do it all because you're in love...

Things of importance become an afterthought with no regard. Pressing tasks are forever put on hold. It can wait.

...love can't...

Any spare time you have is now reserved for the eye of your affections. Phone calls and text messages go unanswered. Your presence from the microcosm that is social media vanishes instantly. The outside world no longer exists to you.

...and it's because of love...

Soon, the newness will fade and reality will begin to make itself visible. Now that the rose colored glasses have been lowered from your lovestruck face, you're forced to see the real. Only now do you realize things aren't what they seem.

Still, you continue giving your all, figuring things will come together. Hell, you're in love. That shit is supposed to surpass all, right? I mean, who wouldn't want to be loved by you? What you give is an all-encompassing kind of love that is a joy to share. To see the look on their face after your many random acts of kindness brings a smile to your face every time. 

It almost makes you forget their imperfections.

Even with the obvious staring you right back in the face, you ignore it.  You make yourself believe in the fantasy you've created. You have to. The romantic inside won't let you do otherwise. Instead, you proceed accordingly, reminding yourself of the world you live in when reality rears it's ugly head. You enjoy it while you can and fall back when you can't.

You wish you could have your way but the truth of the matter is no matter how hard you love, how open and unconditional it is, it will never change the circumstance.

In this particular case, your love does not surpass all...

Point of No Return

What happens when the thrill is gone? A change of heart has happened and you're left choking on words that desperately need to come out. The possible reaction from him scares you into silence.

Things are no longer the same and the fact that he should be the ideal choice for you is exactly what you're not sure about anymore. He's too safe for you. What does that even mean? The fact that you believe the statement is even worse.

You feel censored whenever he's around. Yes, you're a lady but from time to time, your inner sailor likes to be set free, allowing curses to flow unabashedly.

Thoughts float around on whether or not you could ever learn to love someone for the sake of having them right now. Your sanity screams HELL NO! That may not be the best option, especially if you're easily agitated. His idiosyncrasies will annoy you. But the romantic in you--the one who keeps you in trouble--persuades you relentlessly, pleading in so many ways how this thing could work.

Don't believe that traitor!

Again, you're left with thousands of unspoken words. Sifting through them in search of the right ones proves to be a task that threatens an incurable migraine. This all is much more than you bargained for the day you watched him cross the parking lot clutching a black leather binder dressed in a light blue button up tucked neatly into a pair of brown dress slacks. You thought he was cute as he adjusted his glasses, making his way to the front door of the building.  The way he kept to himself drew you in to want more. You told yourself that he was someone you needed to know for yourself.

Right before you feel like you've found a sense of sanity, self conscious thoughts saunter into view. What is wrong with you? Why do you always push the good ones away? You swear it's unintentional because you hate being the heartbreaker.

It just sort of happens...

Initial interest is expressed. Dates were had. Boredom has struck, settled in and taken over. Now, you're left, searching for the right way to say, "This isn't working."

Having Options When It Comes to Dating

For the past couple weeks I have been back and forth when it comes to dating--completely different from being in a relationship--more than one person at a time. Being the kind of person I am, feelings of guilt will begin to surface and sooner or later, I'll fade to black on one, if not both, of the suitors.

I fully understand that I'm obligated to neither but something in me still feels wrong while "talking" to two guys when in reality, all I'm doing is getting to know them better. Some of the relationship experts I follow say that you should be honest with whomever you're dating, making sure they know what it is up front. Others think that it's none of the their business--date who you want and if you choose to be intimate, protect yourself.

While I agree with both, I'm not sure which one would fit for me.

While catching up on Anslem Rocque's (aka Naked With Socks On) blog, Date Knight, he hipped me to a new book, called The Gaggle, which encourages women not to focus on just one man when searching for Mr. Right. Instead, the author suggests you cultivate a group of men who fulfill different needs in your life until you find the one.

“You probably have a gaggle of friends, who all play different roles and fulfill different needs for you,” Massa explains. “You might call one friend to go shopping versus another friend when you’re upset versus another friend when you need a serious professional opinion. Your romantic gaggle is just another piece of the much larger, long-term puzzle of how you structure the relationships in your life to feel full, happy and loved.” --Jessica Massa, author

When it comes to dating, I try to follow the Golden Rule and treat people how I would want to be treated but Massa's words make a lot of sense. My issue, then, would be how do I part with the feelings of guilt? Do I let each 'Him' know he's not the only one trying to be the only one or do I keep it to myself? What about when it's time to make a decision?! I have always been the type to care about other people's feelings, especially when it is in regards to me. I don't like being the bad guy. This is both a blessing and a curse and a huge part of the reason that this is such a dilemma for me.

What to do y'all? What to do??

When dating, are you honest about the other people you are seeing? Why or why not? Do you feel guilty if you don't? And if you do choose to share, does it create tension or do things seem easier between you and the people you date? Let's discuss.

*if you want to read the full article on the book, click here*

Viral Violence

I am so over the Youtube videos showcasing violence, especially the ones where women are the victims. This is not a feminist post or me standing on my soapbox talking about why, in no way, is violence against women okay (although I don't condone it). Nor is this me justifying the behavior of these men. It's just me simply saying that I'm tired of seeing it. This is me being aware of the disconnect in society; me trying to find something to fill these gaping holes in the world we live in.

Just a couple of weeks ago, both my Twitter and Instagram timelines went crazy with links and screenshots of the bus driver who uppercut the shit out of an unruly woman. I watched, in utter disbelief, wondering why. Why no one stopped him (namely the man that was standing next to the woman before she got hit). Why the driver felt the need to respond to the passengers antics at all. And, most importantly, why he felt an uppercut would be most effective. In NO WAY was that blow okay. Hell, boxers, who get paid to punch other boxers rarely use that punch.

This evening, on my way home from a fun night, my friend/coworker sent me a video link, which I knew from the title, would not be something that I would enjoy.

 "Watch Lil Reese #GBE300 Beating Up a B*tch"

I shook my head as I pressed play, as if the title weren't enough.

Here, see for yourself: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mvKENK5xqm8&feature=youtube_gdata_player

To say that I'm sad would be an understatement. The state of the world we live in is simply terrible. The fact that all but one person was standing around as if this were normal behavior is ludicrous to me. Judging from the conversation, the victim didn't want him (assailant) in what appeared to be a house party because he had a gun. When she confronted him about it, things got way out of hand. Before you're able to really process what the discrepancy is about, all you see are a barrage of punches being thrown as she is backed into the wall, trying to shield herself.

"Get up outta here, b*tch. Get up outta here." 

That's all I heard over another girl repeatedly screaming, "Wait!" as she tried to stop the boy from landing very accurate kicks and punches to the victim's face. In fact, the only person I saw attempt to break up the attack was the girl.

In my opinion, violence towards women is never okay. Hell, no one should put their hands on anyone unless it's your own child that you're reprimanding. Some people believe that if a woman is man enough to put her hands on a man then she deserves what follows. I'm not saying I agree but I let's be clear--I know better than to physically challenge a man.

Having watched the video a few times, I am seriously at a lost for words. What went wrong? Where was the ball dropped? We have become an unruly people who do not respect people, let alone authority. [Respect] has been lost. Long gone. If I didn't fear for our future before, I do now. Most of the youth today are destructive and don't give a damn. It is really enough to bring me to tears when I sit and think about all the lost and hurting souls, roaming aimlessly about the streets.

How do we begin to help them? How can we?