Day 4: Sex in Christian Marriages

*this post is for yesterday, 8.4.2012*

How far is too far when it comes to sex in a devout Christian marriage? A few weeks ago, I was listening to the Doug Banks Show and there was a letter from a listener. She has been married to her husband for six years and one day and they both have a strong relationship with God. One day, he tells her that he would like to watch her masturbate during sex. He even admitted to purchasing a toy for them to use during their grown up time.

My initial thought was that their sex life must be very boring if this brotha had to go as far as buying a sex toy. Either that or he's just a different kinda freak. As Doug continued to read the letter, I learned where the woman's apprehension stems from. Being rooted in the church, she feels that if she indulges her husband and his sexual wishes she'll be perverting the gift God has given to married couples. My inner prude gets her. Masturbation is such a private act. Having an extra pair of eyes peeking in on the fun can frighten the most conservative of woman. Plus, "if I have to fix it myself, what do I need you for?" The dilemma is she doesn't want to lose her husband due to her lack of adventure.

In my mind, one can go as far as their own morals will allow with their spouse. As long as both parties are comfortable, have at it! Unfortunately, what I think doesn't matter in reference to God's word. Apparently, there is some sort of hidden clause when it comes to sex for the wedded. My mom was listening to the show with me that day and her reaction was a lot different from mine.

"He's been exposed to some porn or heard something from his boys." 

I laughed a little on the inside. Exposed to some porn? This grown man has obviously been exposed to more than that. We both listen to the different callers telling, not suggesting, the woman handle her business with her man before another willing woman did. Some went as far as to quote Ephesians 5:22, "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord" (kingjamesbibleonline.org). In layman's terms: whatever your husband desires (within reason of course), you're inclined to make sure he gets it. Don't get it twisted though. This demand is only required for wives, not "girlfriends", "boo thangs", or even "wifey". In other words, if you don't have a ring, do as you please!

These days, sex has become America's favorite past time. It is glorified all over the radios and TV screens. It beckons from the bright screens of our laptops, tempting our fingers to type in the URL we've subconsciusly committed to memory. Not to mention the strip clubs where ample T&A greet you at the door. Our sexual appetites are being fed constantly, whether we're hungry or not.

As I pondered the woman's situation, I thought back to a conversation I had with my mom some time ago regarding the different aspects of sex and how it was relevant in the Christian bedroom. One of those aspects was oral sex (giving/receiving) and whether or not it's acceptable in the eyes of God. Her specific answer I can't remember now but long story short, no. She explains how oral pleasure is a perverted form of sex that stemmed from those occupying the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah (story found in Genesis, chapters 18 and 19).

*sidebar: I have always wondered who was the freak that made it acceptable for us to put our mouths on each others' "parts" as a means of pleasure* 

The people of those cities would take anything God created, in this case sex, and alter it so that it would fit their desires. People are still guilty of this today and will even use scriptures like the one above in Ephesians to substantiate their claims. I'm no ordained minister but I do know that Christians will quote a scripture faster than God created the Heavens and the earth, without having studied the verse in depth.

Needless to say, I was shocked after hearing all that. Did God really intend for sex to be had in the missionary position all of the time? With the same partner?? Til' death do us part??? Just like our preferences differ when it comes to food and other things, the same goes for sex. What may work for one person may not for the other. Will he punish the most righteous of Christians because they prefer to get a lil more freaky with their spouse?

Blame it on the era I live in for tainting my mind but I just cannot imagine that everyone is supposed to be having the same kind of sex. Is there a such thing as too far in the Christian bedroom?