Muse Sick...

Self-discovery is essential in life and the fact that it is an ongoing process excites me even more. Life is one of those things one has to experience through trial and error; one of those things I feel you never quite figure out.

Being the person that I am, my days need to be filled with creative stimulation, doesn't matter the form. I have discovered that I do not function well under a monotonous routine, especially when it comes to work. 

Eighth grade is about the time I discovered my passion. Over the years, with the help of my mother, I fed that passion, cultivating it in any way I could until I decided that this was something I could turn into a profession. Now, having graduated with a degree in this field, I need to hone in on my niché.

Initially, I was embarrassed for claiming to be a writer without having one. This blog is not geared towards anything specifically so I can cover whatever I want. But I need a lane. Something I can formulate into my own thing. Without a central theme, I feel like a scatterbrain and that cannot be good for a writer trying to find her way, can it?

I remember when I first fell in love with writing and how disciplined I was when it came to creating. I would spend hours in my mom's office, pecking away at the keyboard, working on a novel. I had floppy disks galore (this was clearly before I discovered the genius of the jump drive). My freshman year of high school, I used to hand write stories on loose leaf paper, using folders meant for class as book jackets. 

I miss that dedication. I miss how freely my imagination roamed and how I took the time to actually cultivate characters and plots. I miss being inspired.

Somewhere along the lines, I lost my inspiration. I still love the art form, I just need to be reminded why. I need something to pull me back into those long, interrupted hours in front of the computer screen where I created my own little world. 

Nothing mattered then...

Now, it seems like my mind can never slow down long enough to be creative. (Does that make sense?) Something is always coming up or I'm always out of time. I've been feeling that way a lot lately...

My current job takes up a lot of my time--time that I would love to re-dedicate to the rekindling of my passion but, I have responsibilities--obligations which require a steady paycheck. 

Therein lies the root of the depression. I don't want my driving force to be out of necessity. I want my desire to succeed to derive from pure passion. 

Am I asking for too much?

Believe the Hype: The Best Man Holiday was Everything

From the late 90's to the mid 2000's, black romantic comedies were a staple in my life. Movies like Love Jones, The Brothers and Love & Basketball were always playing on my television. So much to the point where I can still quote the script verbatim if you were to pop one in right now.

Another film that can be added to that long list is The Best Man. I had to be about 10 or 11 when the original film came out and I remember seeing the previews, anticipating it's release. Silly me made the mistake of expressing how excited I was for it and my grandmother killed all my dreams with a single statement.

"You don't need to see that!"

*side eye*

Though she was right, no one asked her. Needless to say, my premature self saw that movie and even landed myself a copy. 

I gasped with the rest of the female population with an affinity for chocolate when Morris Chestnut swaggered around that corner as the irresistible Lance Sullivan. Do you remember those big, brown eyes, all glistening and whatnot?And that smile?? Yes God for all that is beautiful!

The six of them shared a bond that I respectively envy, if there is even such a thing. Infidelity and egos aside, they all genuinely cared for each other. That love they shared was still present in the sequel, despite the major rift between Lance and Harper, who had been best friends since college.

Without giving the movie away, I will mention a couple things that I admired.

First of all, can we please talk about how beautiful the cast was after 15 years! I know that's what everyone has been talking about since the rumors began floating about this reunion but it's so true. They all looked great! I believe I read somewhere that the two youngest people on set were Sanaa Lathan and Taye Diggs, both at 42. Nia Long has an undying beauty that was radiant the entire film. I wasn't a huge fan of Melissa De Sousa's hair but other than that, everyone looked the same as I remembered.

The thing that stood out to me the most was the many examples of genuine black love among the couples. Merch and Candy were hilarious to me. Robin and Harper were exactly what I expected them to be and Lance and Mia were super adorable in every way possible. Nothing seemed forced and there were a few times I felt myself go, 'Awww! How cute!' Lately, there hasn't been a black romantic comedy that I can recall that brought back those warm, nostalgic feelings like the films from back then. 

When I was younger, I didn't sneak to watch those movies completely out of rebellion but because I admired the representation of love. Often times African Americans get a bad rep when it comes to love and relationships. To see other black people expressing their feelings and loving unashamedly was and still is refreshing and inspiring to me.

I'm sure I'm not the only one who is a sucker for a good romantic comedy, especially when it has all-star black cast like this one. I would like to thank Malcolm Lee for getting this cast back together and for not rushing the project off the strength of it's predecessor. I want to thank Nia, Sanaa, Taye, Monica, Morris, Terrence, Harold, Melissa and Regina for choosing to stay on board in order to make magic on the big screen, at least one more time (and for staying absolutely beautiful for all that time!)

Being the romantic that I am, I'm thankful for movies like these. Positive black images are so necessary right now and to know that that there are others that still care is such a relief.

I HIGHLY recommend you go see this film. Never have I experienced so many emotions in just one sitting.

Let me know how you enjoyed it! Which if the two films do you think was better? Why?

Long Live Your Idols...

In light of what seems to be the longest battle with writer's block ever, I begin scrolling through Instagram and Twitter, as I often do in my idle time. Between the two social networks, I follow a collective of creatives I once felt connected to in the name of artistry. Lately though, I've been feeling like the outcast, sitting lonely in the corner of the lunchroom while the cool kids huddle in the center, laughing as if their lives were as carefree as they appeared. 

I want what they have.

Today though, I woke up inspired to create. Even amongst my First World Problem meltdown (of three different means of technology, I couldn't get one to show me the "Crooked Smile" video) I had the urge to write.Of the 807 people I am following via IG, there are a few I pull inspiration from. Today is the day they'll see the impact they have on my creative spirit.

Rivaflowz -- Having already dubbed her as my mentor, it is only right that I list this wordsmith first. I was reacquainted with Riv a little after Demetria Lucas reposted the book review done on A Belle in Brooklyn. At the time, I was almost swearing by everything Demetria posted, as a loyal fan should, so I clicked the link. Automatically, I fell in love with the tone of it all. The way Riv effortlessly strung words together; I felt like I had never read the book before (at the time, I'm sure I was on read number three). Immediately, I followed her on every medium I could, discovered her blog and spent countless hours raking through her archives. Her words literally make me want to discard everything I've ever written and just start over.

WrittenbyBene -- This young writer is another I came across while devoting all of my waking time to Ms. Lucas' tweets. Bene Viera is an inspiration simply because she is where I want to be right now. Only a couple years older than me, she shares the same story as all of my favorite writers: moving to New York with virtually no money with big dreams to land a permanent position in the folds of their favorite glossy. I admire her Give No F*cks attitude because she's going to say/write whatever she feels whenever it comes to mind. Plus, I can always count on her bio to have a dope quote or two.

Alex_Elle -- I love this DMV native's creative spirit as a whole. How I actually came across her page, I cannot remember but I have always been an admirer of her jewelry line, shopALS. Over the years, I've watched her on her journey to a better, healthier, more enlightened self as she shared bits and pieces of her life through her Instagram posts. She seems like the kind of person I would have in my circle.

abelleinbrooklyn -- If you've read any post prior to this or just know me in general, you understand the love I have for this woman in a teacher/student, e-mentor/e-mentee kind of way. Demetria Lucas is what I see, right now, as the culmination of the life I want to live as a writer. As the former Relationships Editor of Essence magazine, she has created a brand and relentlessly built on it. When I got the opportunity to meet her last year, I was in awe the entire time. I even remember the slightly awkward moment we shared before we decided who would kiss which cheek before my coveted picture. Since then, I've continued to read anything her name is attached to just because there is always a teaching moment with her, whether it be something regarding the industry or a lesson in life or love.

All four of these women inspire me in different ways and I'm glad that I was able to connect with them in one form or another. I would love the opportunity to meet and sit with each of them to pick their brains but until then, I'll continue to follow via IG or Twitter and connect through the interwebs.

Thank you ladies for constantly awakening the muse in me even if I don't always act on it. I admire every post, picture and piece of prose because it helps remind me that I, too, have a story to tell.

Leave it all Behind

A few weeks ago, on the drive home from work, a question was posed on the radio to the listening audience:

Would you trade the person you love for complete freedom? You would have no worries. You're free to travel wherever you want in the world as many times as you'd like. Money would be no object, work would be no more, etc. The only catch is that you can't fall in love.

As I cruised down Lake Shore Drive, I pondered the possibilities. Knowing me and my emotional self, I wondered if I could handle a life with no real intimacy. Of course, all my other needs would be met. My '94 Nissan Altima, which I'm extremely thankful for, would be replaced with a sleek brand new something. I would have all the material things I could ever dream of having. Even my cliched Brooklyn brownstone (word to Sidney Shaw) would be a reality.

When I asked the question to the group of friends I met up with, a few shouted an eager, "Hell yea!" My attempt at starting some kind of friendly debate failed because no one could give me a real reason as to why they'd choose freedom over love. Not to say there is a right or wrong answer--I just wanted to hear the different views.

Has the beauty of love lost it's luster? Do we really live in a world where people are willing to go through life without it in lieu of financial security?

I wanted to go home and write about this immediately but I decided against it, opting to give the question more thought. I wanted to be sure that I was considering all of the possibilities that could come out of me trading in a life of love for material possessions.

If you know me, you know I'm a lover. My best friend thinks I'm an asshole (lol) but, deep down, she knows I'm soft as hell. To imagine a life without love and still manage being happy is almost impossible for me to do. As much as I would love to travel the world over and over again, I would much rather experience the emotions felt when learning to grow with another person.

What about you? Would you trade love for everything?

Out of Ink...

There are days I feel like I'm not cut out for this
But that's typically when I'm feeling inadequate
Words of encouragement slightly breathe life into my mood
As I try to determine if what they say is genuine
I know what my heart feels
But what if this isn't my calling
I don't know how to do anything else
Day in and day out, I sit on the brink of tears
Searching for myself
Searching for my voice
Which has been clawed out of my esophagus
Lost among a plethora of words unspoken
And feelings unheard

Delusions of Grandeur

Starting out, things are beautiful. Butterflies flutter aimlessly about your mid-section as you fight hard to contain the wide smile struggling to get out. The impossible is easy to you; no task too great to accomplish.

...and you do it all because you're in love...

Things of importance become an afterthought with no regard. Pressing tasks are forever put on hold. It can wait.

...love can't...

Any spare time you have is now reserved for the eye of your affections. Phone calls and text messages go unanswered. Your presence from the microcosm that is social media vanishes instantly. The outside world no longer exists to you.

...and it's because of love...

Soon, the newness will fade and reality will begin to make itself visible. Now that the rose colored glasses have been lowered from your lovestruck face, you're forced to see the real. Only now do you realize things aren't what they seem.

Still, you continue giving your all, figuring things will come together. Hell, you're in love. That shit is supposed to surpass all, right? I mean, who wouldn't want to be loved by you? What you give is an all-encompassing kind of love that is a joy to share. To see the look on their face after your many random acts of kindness brings a smile to your face every time. 

It almost makes you forget their imperfections.

Even with the obvious staring you right back in the face, you ignore it.  You make yourself believe in the fantasy you've created. You have to. The romantic inside won't let you do otherwise. Instead, you proceed accordingly, reminding yourself of the world you live in when reality rears it's ugly head. You enjoy it while you can and fall back when you can't.

You wish you could have your way but the truth of the matter is no matter how hard you love, how open and unconditional it is, it will never change the circumstance.

In this particular case, your love does not surpass all...