Seek and You Shall Find...

I have always been someone who cares what people think about me.  I don't know where it came from or why I still have that feeling but I do.  I've heard it many times that only God can judge us but it does not stop people from doing so (even I am guilty).

For the past few years I have become a huge fan of Demetria Lucas, Relationship Editor, writer & blogger of Essence magazine and now, in the recent success of her first book, she has literally become the 'go to girl for advice' on relationships and other things.  The digital world in which we live has made it very easy for us to connect with celebrities like her.  Daily, I watch her Twitter timeline (as a devoted self-proclaimed mentee) as she interacts with fellow Belles via regular tweets or through her Formspring account.  More times than I'd like to admit, I find myself clicking the link allowing me to read the full question and even more so to see Lucas' response.

Most of these questions she takes time out to answer are pretty self explanatory and I find myself laughing out loud at these anonymous souls because they actually make you say, "Really, dude? Did you really just ask that dumb ass question?"  Being the person that she is, Lucas shoots back real advice to these people and when they sound stupid, she tells them just that.  I love her for her blunt sarcasm because it helps my workday go by so much faster.

I can't help but wonder now are these women that low on self-esteem or were they just reaching for something to ask her just to make a connection?  Of course, as a fan, you would love to have your favorite celeb or someone you admire to tweet you back.  It's an exhilarating feeling as I have been tweeted four times and counting by my faves but at the same time, I refuse to put myself 'out there' for the sake of a retweet.

People, especially women, should find that validation they seek from others within themselves.  Yes, it is nice to have something you feel to be true affirmed by anyone, especially someone you look up to but, at times, I feel some go overboard.  I wish it were possible for everyone to be completely happy in their own skin and confident in their own abilities but, unfortunately, that is not the world we live in.  A lot of us thrive off of what others think or say about us.  Positive self-esteem is definitely not an easy task and it is one that takes patience as I am still learning.  I feel that it is something that can be achieved if people take the time to work on themselves instead tearing others down.

What's your stance on validation? Is it something that you seek or have sought in the past?  What changed your views?

How I Feel About The Help

For this past week, I've been reading reviews and commentary on the movie, The Help and honestly, all the negative feedback made me want to see the movie more.  Yes, I understand why women of color were so against this film because no one wants to see a version of themselves being portrayed in such a subservient role.  But then again, I thought to myself that we support much more degrading material than this (i.e. music) so, I wanted to see what all the hype was about.

The movie made me laugh and even made me want to cry.  Overall, I enjoyed it.  Throughout the film, I kept wondering if I should feel the same amount of anger exhibited by the journalists I had spent all last week reading.  When that feeling didn't come, I began to wonder if I was comprehending the movie like I should have been.  Something was suppose to light a fire within me or at least that is what I thought.

Don't get me wrong because there were a few scenes that made me cringe and the snotty Mrs. Hilly made me want to jump through the screen many a time and choke her out but as a whole, the movie was good.  Skeeter was my favorite character of all because I saw bits of me in her.  I admired her fearlessness in taking on the task of writing a story from the help's perspective, especially with her being fully aware of the consequences if caught.  I admired her drive as a young journalist, allowing nothing to stop her from getting what she wanted most.  I also loved the genuine love and appreciation she showed towards the black maids.  For me, it was a needed break from that 'entitled' aura the other women gave off.

Miss Celia was another favorite of mine because, like Skeeter, she showed a genuine admiration for her help, sharing a meal with Minny, her maid, on more than one occasion.  That gesture made me smile, nearly bringing me to tears because in most cases that I've seen, maids aren't shown how much they are appreciated or if the families even give a damn.

As soon as I left the theater, I checked Twitter and saw the former Editor-in-Chief of Essence magazine, Angela Burt-Murray tweet that the film was "so bad and so inaccurate.  Minnie would have been lynched for that pie stunt" and I would totally agree with her.  In the theater, it was funny but one can't help but think, in real life, Minny wold have definitely lost her life in the name of revenge.  Makes me want to watch the movie again to look for more inaccuracies.

I was surprised to see how many of my favorite journalists disliked the film.  I honestly don't know what I expected them to feel but this response is not it.  Both the film and the book (which I begin tomorrow) were recommended to me by a close friend) so it was always a top priority for me.  I'm hearing that the book is much better than the movie but isn't that how it usually goes?

Can't wait.  Maybe i'll see some things the movie didn't have the chance to illustrate.

Have you seen the movie or read the book?  What're your thoughts?

Moment in Time

"If I could make time stand still then I know we'd live this moment forever..." 


Well, not exactly THIS moment but...I guess what I'm trying to say is that I realize, for the first time in my life, that we're living in what is called our 'last days'. Quite honestly, it's scaring the mess out of me, mostly stemming from uncertainty.  I've been baptized and basically raised in the church so I know what the Bible says and how Jesus is coming back again. My issue lies with society & how things aren't EVER what they seem.  You really can't believe everything you hear (or even half of what you see). Ordained ministers are getting caught in the same scandals they try to preach us away from so I can't help but to think who am I really to trust here? 


I know. God should be the only one of importance to me but I'm really having a hard time trying to grasp what's been ingrained in me since I was a child.  Maybe, no, I KNOW, I need to spend more time studying God's word for myself as well as spend time with him because that's the only way I'll be able to hear him when he speaks.  


For as long as I can remember, I've always been told that our time here on Earth is considered 'borrowed time' and that our real home is in Heaven. That means that none of us will be here for long. I'm not 100% sure about how I feel about that. In a phrase: I wanna live forever. Without all the riff-raff, of course but seriously, I do. I feel that I won't get a fair chance at life like people before me. I feel like there are things I'm missing, have missed and will miss out on because Jesus will decide to come back and it'll be too late for me. I almost want to say that at times, I've received the short end of the stick called life. 


I know I shouldn't be scared to die but I am.  Why do we have to die anyway, spending eternal life in either Heaven or Hell? At 23, I'm reaching the very confusing stage of trying to define myself as a woman...learning how to think for myself & make rational decisions as a "grown up". I watch some of my peers and to me, some seem to have this shit figured out, leaving me wondering where I was when the memo was sent out and why wasn't I invited to the class....


I don't really know what I wanted to accomplish in this post other than to vent a little bit & I'm almost scared to encourage comments but, if you feel so moved, the box below is free.