Moment in Time

"If I could make time stand still then I know we'd live this moment forever..." 


Well, not exactly THIS moment but...I guess what I'm trying to say is that I realize, for the first time in my life, that we're living in what is called our 'last days'. Quite honestly, it's scaring the mess out of me, mostly stemming from uncertainty.  I've been baptized and basically raised in the church so I know what the Bible says and how Jesus is coming back again. My issue lies with society & how things aren't EVER what they seem.  You really can't believe everything you hear (or even half of what you see). Ordained ministers are getting caught in the same scandals they try to preach us away from so I can't help but to think who am I really to trust here? 


I know. God should be the only one of importance to me but I'm really having a hard time trying to grasp what's been ingrained in me since I was a child.  Maybe, no, I KNOW, I need to spend more time studying God's word for myself as well as spend time with him because that's the only way I'll be able to hear him when he speaks.  


For as long as I can remember, I've always been told that our time here on Earth is considered 'borrowed time' and that our real home is in Heaven. That means that none of us will be here for long. I'm not 100% sure about how I feel about that. In a phrase: I wanna live forever. Without all the riff-raff, of course but seriously, I do. I feel that I won't get a fair chance at life like people before me. I feel like there are things I'm missing, have missed and will miss out on because Jesus will decide to come back and it'll be too late for me. I almost want to say that at times, I've received the short end of the stick called life. 


I know I shouldn't be scared to die but I am.  Why do we have to die anyway, spending eternal life in either Heaven or Hell? At 23, I'm reaching the very confusing stage of trying to define myself as a woman...learning how to think for myself & make rational decisions as a "grown up". I watch some of my peers and to me, some seem to have this shit figured out, leaving me wondering where I was when the memo was sent out and why wasn't I invited to the class....


I don't really know what I wanted to accomplish in this post other than to vent a little bit & I'm almost scared to encourage comments but, if you feel so moved, the box below is free.