...welcome to the musings of the flawless amour...

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Point of No Return

What happens when the thrill is gone? A change of heart has happened and you're left choking on words that desperately need to come out. The possible reaction from him scares you into silence.

Things are no longer the same and the fact that he should be the ideal choice for you is exactly what you're not sure about anymore. He's too safe for you. What does that even mean? The fact that you believe the statement is even worse.

You feel censored whenever he's around. Yes, you're a lady but from time to time, your inner sailor likes to be set free, allowing curses to flow unabashedly.

Thoughts float around on whether or not you could ever learn to love someone for the sake of having them right now. Your sanity screams HELL NO! That may not be the best option, especially if you're easily agitated. His idiosyncrasies will annoy you. But the romantic in you--the one who keeps you in trouble--persuades you relentlessly, pleading in so many ways how this thing could work.

Don't believe that traitor!

Again, you're left with thousands of unspoken words. Sifting through them in search of the right ones proves to be a task that threatens an incurable migraine. This all is much more than you bargained for the day you watched him cross the parking lot clutching a black leather binder dressed in a light blue button up tucked neatly into a pair of brown dress slacks. You thought he was cute as he adjusted his glasses, making his way to the front door of the building.  The way he kept to himself drew you in to want more. You told yourself that he was someone you needed to know for yourself.

Right before you feel like you've found a sense of sanity, self conscious thoughts saunter into view. What is wrong with you? Why do you always push the good ones away? You swear it's unintentional because you hate being the heartbreaker.

It just sort of happens...

Initial interest is expressed. Dates were had. Boredom has struck, settled in and taken over. Now, you're left, searching for the right way to say, "This isn't working."

Thursday, November 1, 2012

Having Options When It Comes to Dating

For the past couple weeks I have been back and forth when it comes to dating--completely different from being in a relationship--more than one person at a time. Being the kind of person I am, feelings of guilt will begin to surface and sooner or later, I'll fade to black on one, if not both, of the suitors.

I fully understand that I'm obligated to neither but something in me still feels wrong while "talking" to two guys when in reality, all I'm doing is getting to know them better. Some of the relationship experts I follow say that you should be honest with whomever you're dating, making sure they know what it is up front. Others think that it's none of the their business--date who you want and if you choose to be intimate, protect yourself.

While I agree with both, I'm not sure which one would fit for me.

While catching up on Anslem Rocque's (aka Naked With Socks On) blog, Date Knight, he hipped me to a new book, called The Gaggle, which encourages women not to focus on just one man when searching for Mr. Right. Instead, the author suggests you cultivate a group of men who fulfill different needs in your life until you find the one.
“You probably have a gaggle of friends, who all play different roles and fulfill different needs for you,” Massa explains. “You might call one friend to go shopping versus another friend when you’re upset versus another friend when you need a serious professional opinion. Your romantic gaggle is just another piece of the much larger, long-term puzzle of how you structure the relationships in your life to feel full, happy and loved.” --Jessica Massa, author
When it comes to dating, I try to follow the Golden Rule and treat people how I would want to be treated but Massa's words make a lot of sense. My issue, then, would be how do I part with the feelings of guilt? Do I let each 'Him' know he's not the only one trying to be the only one or do I keep it to myself? What about when it's time to make a decision?! I have always been the type to care about other people's feelings, especially when it is in regards to me. I don't like being the bad guy. This is both a blessing and a curse and a huge part of the reason that this is such a dilemma for me.

What to do y'all? What to do??

When dating, are you honest about the other people you are seeing? Why or why not? Do you feel guilty if you don't? And if you do choose to share, does it create tension or do things seem easier between you and the people you date? Let's discuss.

*if you want to read the full article on the book, click here*