...welcome to the musings of the flawless amour...

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

What You Want Vs. What You Need

photo credit: vindicarlo.com
How does this thing work? We meet, date, and fall in love? Well what if it doesn't come right away? Am I supposed to wait for the feeling to settle in the pit of my stomach, fluttering around all crazy like? If I don't feel the butterflies immediately, am I allowed to move on? If not, what's the customary waiting period?

A few months have passed 
and a considerable amount of time has been spent
We both enjoy each other's company 
but I'm afraid that's where it ends with me
What about the other stuff? 

Dating is good. I actually love the idea of it all but let's be real. Humans are physical creatures by nature. We're attracted to what looks good. We have to be turned on in more ways than one. Liking you because you're easygoing and because you make me laugh is cool but I want to lust after you a lot a little.

You see, I learned that the men we date are separated into two categories (word to that Belle up in Brooklyn). The first type is A, aka, boyfriend/hubby material. Then there's the B type. Some would call him the no nothing ass nigga or maybe even a boo thang. Demetria Lucas, a.k.a. Belle, couldn't have said it better in her bookB, at best, is a one-night stand on vacation. 
*she also used a Sex and the City reference; A for Aidan, B for Big, to give you a clearer understanding of the two*

Instead of treating him like such, some of us ladies tend to look past the dysfunction in an attempt to build a solid relationship with him, leaving A blowing in the wind.

My dilemma comes in when I want to lust after A like I would B. What happens if/when I never feel that lust for A? Do I just stick him in the friend zone where he may already be too comfortable? Or do I wait? Belle already warned us to never leave an A for a B (I know Carrie ultimately left Aidan for Big in SATC but look how long it took for them to get it right. Multiple seasons AND two movies,one of which she was stood up at the altar?? Who has that kinda time??).

If the world doesn't stop for A like it does when I'm with or even thinking about B, is that a bad sign? Part of me wants to say no because the thing with B is one based off lust from jump. Everything with him is top speed. You act first and think about the repercussions later with little to no regard. With A, more time is spent digging through the others' layers in an attempt to break through that guarded heart.

Because things are supposed to progress at a slower rate with A, does that include the lusty feelings too?

People always say that the nice guys finish last and from the description of the two types in Belle's book, I totally agree. I know women who will stop the world for their B one minute and be crying the next because he kept pushing with his. Hell, I've been one! As Belle said, everything is different between these two men, one glaring difference being the sex. It's not just about the sex , of course, but with all that emotion, could it be anything other than mountain-moving? It's not the kissy, lovey-dovey, nice only-in-the-bedroom- sex you have with A; this is Pinky-Cherokee--Italia Blue pornographic. And you love it!

This has the potential to be a real dilemma. It's been a question swimming in my head for weeks now. What is it about the B type that is so magnetic? In your sanest of moments, you know that he is no good for you. He'll leave you flustered throughout the day as a result of his inconsistency and evasive speech. Or maybe he's too blunt for you, saying whatever he feels whether it hurts your feelings or not. Either way, you still answer when he calls.

The A type is the one you know you should give a real chance to but for whatever reason, you won't can't. He's the type you wouldn't want to risk a friendship with by taking things further. He's the safety net.

Is it possible that there can be men out there who possess both of these traits? One who's everything that A is with bits of B sprinkled throughout. Could I be asking for too much?

I need answers y'all. Insight. Something!

1 comment:

  1. My idea of the difference between the two...I may have to say that B is just that here and now individual. Lust is always that 1st attraction. You see a pretty face, a shapely body, nice clothes, shoes, etc. It all draws your attention. B type is the one that goes extremely hard to get attention, while A Type Is more focused on other aspects of a connection, or attraction in this case. Type A gets friend zoned because he's not aggressive, and blunt as B type. So he becomes the good friend, or push over. Society teaches us that a man is strong, take charge, dangerous, etc. B Type is that, A type is just best friend.