...welcome to the musings of the flawless amour...

Monday, September 12, 2011

Committed Relationship vs. Not So Committed Companionship...

*excuse the lateness...was supposed to post this yesterday*

September 11, 2011

I should be concerned with the Americans we lost 10 years ago today in that tragic event that reshaped our nation.  Instead, my mind is focused on dating and marriage.  Wait.  Don't deem me insensitive just yet because I do feel sympathy for those families who lost loved ones but this is just the way my Cancerian mind works.

I wrote on this topic about a month ago, asking does society still believe in marriage.  I'm still trying to decide if I do.  I agree that the union of two souls pledging their love for each other is a beautiful thing but is it still something people desire?

We've apparently entered a new realm of dating where some people, for lack of a better term, lack creativity.   Yes, I understand that people have more pressing obligations and responsibilities where their money can be spent wisely but I feel that if you're one who decides to add dating to your life's routine, you need to get more in touch with your creative side.

Me, personally, am not picky.  I'm all for free fun.  Money doesn't always have to be spent and it's definitely not needed to impress me.  Like when Jamie took Nola (She's Gotta Have It) out to a picnic for her birthday.  Yea, he may have spent a little money on the dancers but his creativeness made the date that much more special.  It is not OK to think chillin' at the house constitutes as a date.  Especially if all we're doing is sitting down, watching TV.  I can do that at home alone.  Plan a meal. Boil a pot of coffee or water for some tea. Something!

I had an interesting conversation with one of my homeboys.  He was explaining to me his views on the whole 'title' thing when it comes to relationships.  Simply put, he doesn't believe in them but he did admit that if he chose to engage in sexual relations with a lady, as well as open up to her emotionally, he does feel a "certain obligation to be there for her, regardless."  Me being the person I am, asked for him to elaborate more because I just didn't understand how he didn't view that as a relationship of some kind.  When two people become romantically involved and feelings become a factor, aren't they supposed to be there for each other, regardless?  That is, of course, if the two are on the same page and a relationship is what they're seeking.

He promptly began to break his theory down for me and surprisingly enough, I made some sense of it (I knew I should've taken notes on the conversation but I was too lazy to get up to find pen & paper lol).  Basically, he said that us women need to learn to let go of the fantasy we have created in our minds, dwelling on images of a perfect relationship and whatnot.  Instead, we need to learn to live in the moment and accept what a "Real Nigga Nigga" like him is offering.  What is he offering you ask?  Unconditional friendship, unconditional support, and sex (if that's what you need).  He is also there to provide you with that shoulder to cry and vent on, a male brain to pick and you can always count on him to keep it real with you.  And all this is available whether or not he had/is having sex with you at the time.  That seems to be a lot for someone you're not officially linked to.

In a nutshell, what my boy is saying is that a title isn't going to stop a man (or a woman) from doing what they are going to do (and I agree) which is why he refuses to lock himself into something that doesn't seem to be foolproof from jump.  He can't guarantee that you (or himself for that matter) will have the urge to step out.  What he can guarantee is that he will always keep it real with you, providing that unconditional companionship that we as women desire anyway.  He even went as far as to saying that if he was in a relationship and he happened to cheat his girl would never know because she'd be so wrapped up in the way he treated and took care of her that it wouldn't matter.

I have to admit that he almost had me sold on his theory.  Like, if I was standing on the edge of the Grand Canyon and he would've hit me with one more gem of "knowledge", he would have knocked me over and I would have fallen to my death.  Some of what he was saying made sense to me whereas other parts went in one ear and smoothly out the other.  For example, if you're in a situation with a guy where the two of you aren't quite serious but everyone knows you're an item; the guy treats you right and all that good stuff but you still find more to want.  Let's say something along the lines of an official commitment.  It's kind of the 'don't mess up a good thing' situation.

Now, I'm at an in between stage in my young adult life where I don't know if I want or if I'm even ready to be in a committed relationship (or a not so committed 'situation') just yet.  The thought is enticing but I'd like to think I know a little bit of what a serious relationship entails and I'm big enough to admit that I'm not fully ready to concede.  That's a serious move that requires a lot.  I'm still young and I'm just coming into my own, figuring things out for myself.  Eventually, I'm sure a meaningful relationship will come but until then, I'll revel in my freedom.

What're your thoughts? Do you agree with my homeboy or is his logic a bunch of bull?  Are titles overrated?  Feel free to discuss.  I'd love to read your responses.

1 comment:

  1. Where do I start....?

    I feel what dude is saying to a certain level. I'm sure there are females out there that would be fine with what he is offering. A woman like me... not so much. I'm in a committed relationship, where marriage has been a hot topic lately. I still very much believe in marriage.. but I have to be honest.. Its hard when society shows you nothing but Lust & Liez. I've personally only seen TWO successful marriages in my lifetime. Even though that is kinda scary.. those two marriages give me hope.

    I'm not sure what guys think about us girls now-a-days as far as dating. BUT it doesn't take a whole lot to make someone happy. The little things are what counts the most. Also it seems like chivalry is DEAD. Most guys I've dated do NOT open car doors, pull out chairs or help a LADY put on her coat. A healthy, non-drama, romantic relationship is right up my alley. Saying all that and replying to what ol dude.. All of his actions in my opinion would be pretty confusing. Like you would be there for me so I can vent and give me totally companionship? But at the end of the day your NOT totally mine? LOL That's how people get their windows busted lol.. So I've heard hahahahaha