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Thursday, July 28, 2011

Do You Still Believe?

"Some say that I'm a dreamer 'cause I talk about it often..." --Common

For as long as I can remember, I've always been an emotional something.  I tear up at the sappiest of movies and the most romantic novels.  Anything where anyone is showing some form of genuine affection and you'll have to find the nearest wrench to stop that water works.  A bit much, I know, but, it's me.

Simply put, I'm a sucker for love.

Oddly enough though, I cannot recall a time where I sat and fantasized about being someone's mother and wife.  I may have played around with the idea a few times but it was never something I dreamed about like the women that came before me.

The idea of love to me is refreshing and once you think you're in it, the feeling is even more grand, especially if it's genuine but as I get older and am starting to really observe my surroundings, I wonder if marriage is something men and women of today really want.  I see marriage as one of the biggest promises of all time, one that canNOT be broken.  You're pledging your life, love, "and all that other shit" to the person you have decided to share your world with.  That's a lot.  Like, you really have to be in tune with your god and yourself to know that this person is for you.  At 23, I don't see how I could ever get to that point.  Hell, I'm still waiting on a good date worth talking about the next day.

According to the NY Times, 51% of women are living without a spouse.  So not even half of the us are married.  Does that mean we are complacent with just 'shacking up', allowing the cow to be ravaged of all it's milk at no cost?  If that is the case, I'm definitely not knocking another woman and her decision because I'm not completely sure I want to be married either.  Like I said before, it's a lot.  And not to mention, society has played a part in making it seem like a trap to me so it'll be a while before I say the words 'I do'.  But, is there any security in that?  How can you build a life with someone that you won't know will be there tomorrow?

The issue with this lies in my upbringing.  My grandparents have been married for at least 40 years and although I've witness disagreements between them, they still remain together.  I couldn't even imagine one getting up one day talking about, "I'm gone!"  It just doesn't seem likely for people at their age.  Not so much for my generation.  Just as quick as we are to get married, divorce comes even quicker.  I was brought up in the church so I understand that marriage is a covenant before God with you and your mate planning to love each other unconditionally and no matter what, work it out.  People my age don't seem to understand the severity of the situation though.  I've heard of couples divorcing for something as trivial as one wanting to stay out late nights while the other stays home.  Yes, it's unacceptable but no, it's not grounds for divorce in my book.  You're two adults.  Sit down and talk it out.

Maybe we just don't see the value in being married anymore.  I mean, a lot of us don't have any positive models to look after to show us how to do this marriage thing right anyway so how can we be expected to value such a gift?  Don't get me wrong because I would like to one day be in a fulfilling relationship. I may even end up married  (Mom wouldn't approve of me shacking up anyway...lol).  I just wonder where along the lines did our little girl dreams get so lost to the point where marriage is not even in the forefronts of our minds anymore.

1 comment:

  1. Asked a friend if he believed in marriage and monogamy. His answer: "Not really. I don't believe there is a pure marriage that exists."

    That's exactly what I was trying to point out in the post above. It's absolutely sad because, at one point, marriage was something that a lot of people desired. Now, not so much.