...welcome to the musings of the flawless amour...

Thursday, March 29, 2012

So, You're Telling Me We Can't Be Friends?

During my daily visit to Clutch Magazine, I ran into an article by Arielle Loren about dating older men.  An interesting piece that made me consider readjusting my "policy" (another post for another day) but what stood out to me about Loren's post was a small tidbit about the meaningful friendships gained from a few of the failed romantic relationships she's had throughout the years.

My best friend and I have talked on a few occasions about what is to become of the friendships we have cultivated (once romantic or strictly platonic male friends alike) over the years once we get into a meaningful, romantic relationship.  Surely, it is not polite to just fade to black on these fellas.  Assuming you would be completely honest with your new honey, he will know that at least one of these men were at some point, someone you were involved with and pray that his insecurities don't sabotage what you're looking to build.

How does one successfully manage a serious boyfriend and male friends who may genuinely have no ulterior motives?  For my senior project I wrote an article on whether or not I believed men and women could be strictly friends (my answer is yes--with a small explanation). I stated how communication and honesty play a huge part in these kind of arrangements and I still think the same applies here.

I have been accused of being involved with a male friend a few times when there was nothing going on at all.  Not to say that an interest may not have been shown initially... Our friendship meant more to us than a romantic relationship.  When I tried to assure that there was nothing to worry about, insecurities took over and things I assumed to be good were over.  The friend(s) I was accused of being with still remains, through it all, never changing, hence them still in my life.

Now, don't think I'm solely accusing men of doing this because ladies do it too.  Hell, I have assumed (never sabotaged) and sometimes even asked to what extent did this friendship go.  Some times, I was assured that my relationship was not in jeopardy.  Other times, I was skeptical only to be proven right.  It happens.

What are your views on opposite sex friendships outside of the relationship?  Have you ever experienced this?  Were you on the receiving/giving end?  Talk to me!

1 comment:

  1. I've been on both ends. My boyfriend had (past tense) a best friend who was incredibly jealous of our relationship. She didn't necessarily want him, but she was upset because she never got to see him anymore. Years before, they'd had a small interaction where something could've happened but it didn't. She may not have had a romantic motive but she continuously called and harassed him because she felt neglected. Thus, she had to go. The same thing happened on my end. He was frequently annoyed by my best friend that I hung with every time he came home from school. However, my best friend didn't call late at night, send me begging/slightly inappropriate texts nor violate our relationship in anyway. His anger wasn't justified.

    Therefore I feel like there could be opposite sex friendships outside of the relationship. These friendships just need to have boundaries. & no I don't mean rules! We're all aware of what these boundaries are. If it feels wrong, it probably is. God gave us instinct.