Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Letter to a Wayward Soul
I never thought you would ever experience what it is you're going through right now in your life. I mean, how could you? Raised by a mother who did everything in her power to provide both your wants and needs even if it meant sacrificing her own. There was no way you could fail. At least in my mind. But you did because you allowed yourself to fall into the trap. One I thought you were smart enough to avoid.
Your lack of judgment and common sense worries me...a LOT. It scares me actually, simply because you have NO idea how deep a hole you are digging for yourself. Either that or you just don't care. If that's the case, we have an even bigger problem on our hands.
I often wonder if I could have done something different to influence your decision making and every time I begin to beat myself up for your actions, I stop because they are just that--YOUR actions. You are your own person and it was you who decided to make the choices you've made. Can't save anyone who is not ready to be saved.
I'm all for having fun and enjoying life just as the next person but I'm also an advocate of being smart and using my head. Some may think that's me living life too safely and that's fine. I'm perfectly OK with that. I only wish you could adopt the same attitude. Instead, you're too consumed with what people perceive you as and your appearance. Artificial things that won't mean anything within the month. Isn't it exhausting trying to keep up with the Joneses? Why not have people wanting to keep up with you?
I didn't want this letter to become some cliched motivational pick me up but all the cliches that are associated with a wayward soul are appropriate. You could be tired of hearing them but some repetition could do you some good.
Do you realize the wedge you are drawing among your family? The unwanted stress and hurt you are causing your own mother? What will it take for you to finally get it? Is this space you're occupying now NOT rock bottom enough for you? I need answers.
You are slowly but surely exhausting all of your options. You don't plan for the future. Instead, you live for today and believe that that is enough. Once you mess up one place, you think it's simple to find another solution. You will soon learn that your theory is flawed.
I advise you to start listening to people who have been here before you. Listen to the ones with enough common sense to spare you since you have obviously put yours on reserve. And if this is rock bottom enough for you, don't feed the people around you with BS about how you're going to change and what you're going to do. Just do it! Let your actions speak for themselves.
Things could be so much easier for you if you'd just let them. BE the man that you are supposed to be and leave the boy that is hindering you behind.