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Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Random Epiphany

Within the last two hours, I finally came to grips with the fact that I just may be a socially awkward black girl (Shoutout to Issa Rae...love that chick lol. If you don't know who I'm talking about, Youtube 'Awkward Black Girl' and get familiar).

Let me tell you how I came to this conclusion.

After work today, I went to my first grown up networking event and even though I stayed for a very short time, due to no fault of my own, I can say that I enjoyed myself.  The semi-old me, who is shy and doesn't like to be watched as she walks through the room, would have clammed up and ignored the invitation all together.  But the new me, that is still under construction, did what I had to do and it felt good.

As soon as I opened the door to the M Lounge and stepped in, I had this weird feeling as if I belonged.  I greeted the bartender with a warm smile and proceeded to look for the person who invited me, all while taking in the ambiance.  I was in love.  Young, black professionals who didn't appear to be that much older than me, networking/fraternizing with each other in a very laid back setting specifically for this swanky group.  I was already trying to figure out in my head how I could be apart of this select group, joining them here as often as they met.

Anyway, met with my party and the intended person they had planned to introduce me to, did a quick walk through of the space and left (if I could've stayed until the end, I would have).  The whole ride home though, I was plotting on how I could get back in the same space with those people.  Got super excited thinking about the possibility.  They all seemed so comfortable among each other.

You see, I was the girl in college who played ball and people recognized me from that.  If I didn't hoop, I'd probably be recognized as a nerd or something on campus only because I was and have always been a quiet person.  I went to class, practice, ate among the common people and went back to my dorm.  I was typically seen walking alone, blocking out the world with my iPod (don't judge me.  I like my solitude).  Now, the last college I attended was not the most ideal place to become a social butterfly but I did attend Grambling State University for a short time and had I been strong enough to stick it out, I would have my English degree from there and not Graceland University.

I digress.  And thankful for that full basketball scholarship.

Grambling is a historically black college/university and an ideal place for me to come into my own.  I was excited to learn that I would be attending such a historic institution and on the inside, I was ready to venture out and explore within my moral means.  But when I got down there and realized I had to rebuild the name I had back home because no one knew me down there, I clammed up.  I would always play the background whereas the rest of the student body was busy networking.

I allowed my shyness to rob me of that chance.  Don't get me wrong; I had a group of friends and we were starting a very strong bond.  I still talk to these ladies today.  I attended Gram over 3 years ago.  I was just the one to always keep a low profile.  I didn't like the attention.

Fast forward to the end 2011 and remnants of that person is still here today.  Was just discussing this with my best friend, telling her how I want to become like her (she swears she's shy.  I don't believe that shit lol).  She agrees that I should rid myself of that shell.  Do something out of the ordinary like (tastefully) flirt with a cutie I may happen to see in the street.  Enough to let him know that I'm interested and that it's O.K. for him to approach.  I've actually tried it a few times and it's quite exhilarating lol.

You guys may or may not know this about me yet but I HATE cliches.  In every sense of the word.  The one I just may hate the most is the whole "My New Years Resolution...".  People say the same shit year in and year out and hardly nothing ever changes.  I can't remember the last time I made one and hadn't planned on it until....

I heard about what I like to call the Glorified New Years Resolution, a.k.a. The Vision Board.

I think they're super cool although it's nothing but a collage full of your goals.  I want to do one as a project with my girls (be a good bonding experience for us) and add personal goals for myself that I will plan to accomplish within the coming year.  Having a full social calendar will be on there!!

I love the people that God has placed in my life but I want to expand my circle, specifically with those young, black professionals at the M Lounge and wherever else they gather.

What would you put on your vision board?  Do you consider yourself to be socially awkward in a sense?  Talk to me. =)

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