...welcome to the musings of the flawless amour...

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

"Sabotage...sabotage...I love you..."

Had a conversation a few nights ago where I was told, in short, that I sabotage situations.  The person I was on the phone with was speaking in terms of relationships and the fact that I tend to find the negative in a potential boo quicker than the average which pretty much ruins whatever chance said boo had with me.

As this person continued to tell me about myself,  I couldn't help but to be quiet and listen, all the while wondering, am I really that bad?  Do I really do those things?  Is that why I don't have a potential mate lined up?  Clearly, my mind was racing.  I calmed myself down, finding my voice and as well as a rebuttal.

"I have a very low tolerance for bullshit!"

I told y'all before that my patience is as thin as this guy.  Probably thinner.  I don't see why I should have to endure someone's stupidity for the sake of having a man to call my boyfriend.  Is that not the point of dating/getting to know someone?  Finding what you like versus what you don't and/or aren't willing to put up with?  I thought so.

Like most, I don't like being bored at all and, unfortunately, the window of time needed to get, hold and keep my attention is minute.  I like to think I give signs to let one know that my interest is being lost and I'd rather sit at home staring at this baby grandfather clock (is there such an oxymoronic thing lol?) than hold a text message conversation with you discussing what you ate for lunch.

There is a line that many guys are unaware of until AFTER they have crossed it and that is the point of no return.  In my defense, there have been few that I considered doubling back for but my mind (along with the ism from my mother) won't allow me to travel down that road simply because there was something that made me veer off course in the first place.

After discussing my "sabotaging antics", we moved on to the discussion of what "my type" consisted of.  I tend to stay away from this question because it implies that I have actually sat down and compiled a list of what I want in a mate.  Lists, to me, create superficial significant others that people go on a never ending quest to find.  So, instead of spouting some desired characteristics I think I'd want, I opted to give an example of my ideal mate: Dwele.  On the surface, he's the guy I would go for.  That crazy, sexy 'fro, that neatly groomed beard, and his eclectic but hip style...*swoons*

I want to call him in the morning and tell him to "sing to me" just like ol girl did at the end of "My Lova" *le sigh*

Now, of course, I don't know anything about this man's personality.  He could be a complete asshole in the terms of a relationship (though I highly doubt it) but, yes.  Dwele is one of my top five eclectic boos.

My friend asked what if I met a guy who wasn't all artsy like me but he was a genuine dude; would I give him a chance?  Of course I would.  I feel that if one presents themselves well, who am I to deny them a chance?  Hell, I'd like to think I've given more guys chances to get to know me than I should have (no cockiness).  But if this guy was able to keep it interesting for me, then that could be the start of something beautiful.  And then, I would get to expose him to the world that I've grown to love.

But if we can't have an intelligent conversation about something other that what was on mediatakeout or worldstar...you get my drift.

That night, I told myself that I would be slow to writing people off completely.  Give them a chance to mess up and potentially redeem themselves if need be.  I have been working on my being patient.  I don't wanna miss my blessing because I'm being a mean ass, ya know?!

What about you all?  What irks you when you're getting to know someone new?  Do you let them know that they're working the last good nerve you had left when you woke up this morning or are you the passive-aggressive type?  Am I being too harsh?

Talk to me!


  1. Preach.

    At sixteen, I was sick of boys who just wanted to gossip about high school & friends. Boys who wanted to ask me silly questions like, "Oh you be reading? Like for real for real?" -_- I wanted a partner I could swap books with, discuss the ailments of the world and plan a future with. (Yeah, I was young but an old soul.) I was convinced after a while that no boy/man like that existed.

    & then I met Warren. Private school, literary, Kobe Bryant clean-cut fine with a killer smile. We talked about everything from Basquiat to Richard Wright. We walked through Barnes and Noble, giggling through the shelves. We sipped on lattes and wrote as the caffeine jittered through our bodies. He was amazing. I stayed in HS while he went off to Stanford & that was that.

    But he's my bar. I've never dated anything less than what he showed/gave me. & I never will. You already have certain standards that you live by when it comes to relationships, but one day you'll really meet the bar.

    It's going to blow your mind. G'luck.


  2. I wish my B.s tolerance level was where yours was at that time. I think I was infamous for giving men TOO MANY TIMES to redeem themselves, I'm trying to figure this out when my bestfriend didn't screw up (and yes he is a man). There is a happy median. I love what the person in the previous post said, once you're exposed to what you want the bar is set. Just don't set the bar so high that it's unatainable you know? Bottom line you and your mate will compliment each other, you will balance each other out and guess what? You both are going to mess up, there are going to be things about each other that may get each others nerves. It's learning to adapt to them, and trying to let them roll off your shoulder.(<-- I'm still working on the letting it roll off my shoulder. You don't change overnight) Bestfriend was my bar..everyone was compared to him ya dig?

  3. P.S. It's funny how your mate might look something different then what you envision him looking like. Compatibility, personality, conversation, laughing is what matters the most. Not saying looks don't matter, but don't write someone off either cause he doesn't look like what you think he is suppose to look like. (I'm not saying you're doing this) Some ppl miss out on their blessing cause the person doesn't fit their physical criteria checklist. Obviously you have to be attracted to your mate. But I'm just saying lol.

  4. That's exactly what I need: a bar. I was beginning to wonder if I was asking for too much but then, I kept telling myself that it's o.k. for me to want what I want. I can be picky and opt not to settle.

    I know where you're coming from when you talk about guys asking silly questions when they notice a textbook in your hands that is not directly associated with school. Hell, I even encountered a guy like that when I started my new job. He was even more amazed that it came from the library. Gave him the hardest eye roll I could muster. Ugh.

    I can't wait to experience what you have with Warren. I'm in dire need of a mind blowing experience because in these 23 years, no one has even sparked a flame for real. A sad truth, I know.

    Thanks for sharing Riv =)

  5. Yea, I remember you and I talking about best friend in "the vault" lol. And even then, I admired what you had in him. I'm was so excited when you two finally decided to give each other a chance and even more excited when you told me that you were getting married.

    My B.S. tolerance level is this high because I find that I get irritated really, really fast. I surprise myself even because my heart will tell me that he's not as bad but I try not to listen to that traitor lol. If I'm irritated enough, I'll just stop dealing with you. Cold hearted?? Maybe. But it's me. On the converse side of things though, if you're able to get me, you got me.

    I totally understand that perfection is impossible and regardless of what it seems, that's not what I'm looking for in a mate. I know that some nuances I'll have to adapt to but when those nuances are shown BEFORE I get to see the good stuff in you...smh lol

    Like I said though, I'm working on my patience just as Wiz Khalifa should be working to put a hearty meal into his system.

  6. lol Very interesting ladies. I too sabotage what may be a good thing because I feel that young lady didn't live up to the secret deal I purposed with myself about what I want to be the content of her actions and the facial and body features I wanted her to have. But in reality, it's human nature to judge, be selfish, and to look at things through a very narrow window. Us humans aren't the best as voicing our wants and needs right off back. We feel that it's a given but Sorry ladies, honesty should be a given but unfortunately it's not.Essentially We lie, cheat, and BS because we feel that others have not shown themselves worthy of a fair and honest shake. Our biggest problem is that we feel like we are racing the clock and an all out sprint is the only cure for this pressure against our backs. No, the worse thing we can do is too think we are speeding the window of time for that person to show us that they are qualified for the job, but in reality all we are doing is rushing ourselves to remain inpatient. Give people some time, put emphasis on respect, give them a tour of your passions and tour through their's. All and all, give that person a fair shake until you feel a certain kind of way but don't destroy yourself in that person during the process. We all deserve at least that right?

  7. I agree completely that people tend to speed up the dating process. Women like to imagine what the wedding will be like after the first all night phone call. Men tend to keep an extra one waiting in the wings just in case the current chick acts a fool. A sad truth.

    We all know that communication is vital in any kind of relationship. It is the basis, in my eyes, of all unions we hold high. Each day, I am affirming this truth. I was (am sometimes still am) the epitome of the passive-aggressive type. I would always second guess speaking up on something, too afraid to hurt feelings or even spark an argument. I'd have to really be provoked to actually curse someone out.

    Now, as I'm growing older and maturing, I'm learning that I can still be a nice and lovable person while holding my own. If something/someone gets on my nerves, most likely, I'll make it known. Some have labeled me an asshole because of it. *hmph* Be that as it may(feel myself going off into a tangent. Regroups and gets back on track).

    Yes, I agree that everyone should be afforded a chance to prove themselves if a relationship is what you're looking for. That's the purpose of dating be it exclusively or not.