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Sunday, August 12, 2012

Day 12: Growing Pains

Sometimes, I can let people's personalities intimidate me. I'm not sure where this came from but for as long as I've known myself, this has always been my personality. This, in turn, has caused me to retreat in other aspects of my life as well. Only recently have I learned that I cannot continue on in that way, especially with the career I'm working my way into.

Dealing with people is inevitable and one has to learn to adapt to different personalities. My mother tells me this a lot and I wish I was able to do it as well as she does. Nothing seems to offend her or knock her off her square and if it does, you'll never know it. Me, I wear my emotions on my sleeve and I hate it. If my feelings are hurt, the offender will know, and not because I cursed them out about it.

Blame astrology for placing me in the Emo Only section of the zodiac but this is definitely who I am. Oftentimes, I sit and observe others who share the Cancerian water sign and there are a few who aren't as soft spoken and reserved as me. Only then am I led to believe that I developed a bit of a complex growing up. Something happened when I was young that still has me adhering to that old rule of "be seen and not heard". Somewhere along the lines, my true self was lost and now I'm this 24-year-old who is afraid speak in front of a room full of her peers.

I see the me I am supposed to be in so many other people and secretly, I hate them. No, that's not true. I resent myself for not standing up for myself. No longer do I want to be afraid to lead a crowd. My opinion does matter and deserves to be heard, like everyone else. It is time for me to let go of being afraid to approach people as well as open up more in conversation.

Simply, it is time that I grew up.

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