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Thursday, August 16, 2012

Day 16: Enjoy the Journey

photo credit: smashingmagazine.com

Reflecting on this last week, I'll say that overall, it was good. Between the two social networks I'm addicted to, the different blogs, magazine sites, and books I read, I have come across some very life-confirming quotes. The words of these strangers jump out at me, oddly connecting with my current situation and I cannot help but to be amazed as I dissect and digest the message. Scrolling through my Twitter timeline today, I saw this:
"Never compare your beginning to someone else's middle."
 As I let the eight words by Jon Acuff marinate for a while, I realized that that was exactly what I was doing right now. Since I returned home after graduating with a B.A. in English, I've been straddling the fence of sanity and depression when it comes to my life career-wise. I have friends who seem to be advancing in ways that I am not. I feel stagnant all the time despite my job and the little life I do have.

Initially, I thought I just needed a change of scenery; something that would force me to action so I applied to graduate school in New York. Though it seems I made this decision on a whim, I had a plan and was serious about advancing my education. But because things happen in their own time and not when we want them to, I was denied the chance to start living out my dream. At first, I took it very hard because I saw me leaving as my only way out. Everything had been planned out and to have the air knocked from under me when I was already riding high hurt. It didn't help that my best friend had just been accepted into her dream school in Texas and a few other people I knew were living the life I was supposed to be living in New York.

Why am I still here? 
This isn't fair? 
I'm supposed to be there.

 All of this is going through my head each time I see an update on Twitter or scroll past a picture on Instagram. Even with the journalists/writers that have made it in the business, I find myself secretly wanting what they have. I totally respect and understand the hard work they put into this dream as well as everything it cost them to reach the level they're at but I cannot help but want to be in the position they're in. I'm at a point in my life where I need a challenge. I need something else to do and in this capacity I'm in now, I can't. This space is suffocating me.

Before I can fully embrace this life I want, there are things within me that need to change. Things that need to happen. I understand now why God put a hold on my acceptance into grad school. Simply put, I wasn't ready. He's showing things to me now, helping me to realize why I'm going through what I am. There is a much bigger picture than what is set before my eyes and I'm learning to enjoy the journey on the road to my destiny because that is what makes for an amazing story once I'm there.

I will continue to chase my dream and keep these words close by:
"Write your truth. Don't write for the hits, the money, or the accolades. Buckle down, do the hard work, say what needs to be said, not what's popular, and do it consistently. If you build it, they will come." ~Demetria Lucas, interview on The K. Andy Show
I'm just afraid that I'll somehow run out of time...

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