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Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Does He Do It...?

"What are your thoughts on a guy opening the door for you?"

I looked over at my friend who was thumbing through his copy of Enitan Bereola II's book, Bereolaesque, and pondered the question briefly. Thinking back, I can recall a handful of guys (excluding strangers), who have held the door open for me, my friend being one.

"You mean like one I'm dating?" I ask for clarification.

"A date or a friend."

"To be honest, I'm more surprised if they do rather than disappointed if they don't. It's something that I have come not to expect so much anymore. Sad, I know but it's the truth."

My friend shook his head in disbelief. Not so much at my lack of faith but of the lack of gentleman this world possesses. Each time he and I have hung out during our many bouts of randomness, he is the perfect gentleman. Whether we're leaving a restaurant or coming back from the gas station with a handful of vittles, he makes it his business to open my door. If we're walking aimlessly through Hyde Park, he finds his way to the outside of the sidewalk so that I am away from the street. At first, I was a little surprised. They still make your kind?? Over time, I was able to fall back, allowing him to be the gentleman he so effortlessly is. His generosity has nothing to do with him trying to gain an upper hand with me and I'm sure of this because he treats all of his platonic female friends the same.

Long after our conversation ended, I rolled the question around in my head some more. Was I wrong for not demanding a guy, especially one I'm dating, to open the door for me? Should I refuse to go on the date like Meagan Good's character in Steve Harvey's Think Like A Man if all he does is deactivate the car alarm? My boy mentioned how he would be on the lookout when his little sister went out. He would watch from the window to see if her date opened the door. If not, he would call them both back inside to give a good sit down. He admitted that he would do the same for me.

I like to think that I do not believe chivalry is dead but scarce. I know there are men around who are true gentleman and whenever I encounter one, I thank them until they grow tired of hearing it. And when I come across one who hasn't been schooled, I open my own door. Honestly, I just don't have the time to wait and see if you're feeling generous today.

This will be something that racks my brain for some time, I'm sure but I'd really like to hear your opinions on this. Ladies, do you demand chivalrous acts from a new boo? How do you convey the message without seeming stuck up (for lack of a better term)? Fellas, do you practice chivalry? Why or why not?

Although it was published in 2009, Enitan Bereola II's book, mentioned above, has seemingly popped up on everyone's radar. This "contemporary gentleman and etiquette book for the urban sophisticate" provides men with specific tips and instructions on how to conduct themselves as gentleman or, as he puts it, bereolaesque. By definition, it means to be "highly appealing and pleasing to the human senses and/or mind; captivating; providing pleasure or delight, especially in appearance or manner; charming, alluring, attractive".

He has turned his family name into a brand by simply practicing what has been instilled in him since birth. Though geared towards men, Bereola says the book is not exclusively for them.

"Bereolaesque is for every man and every woman who believes that chivalry is NOT dead..."

I am learning what it means to date in this age. Being aware of the many personalities men possess, I am able to assess what kind of behavior I will tolerate and that which will get a number deleted from my contacts as quickly as it takes me to tie my shoe. My boy let me borrow the book and I have been taking both mental and physical notes. The information inside is what some would consider common sense but we all know, that ain't so common anymore. I wish I could purchase this book for every male in my life and have them actually take heed. What I admire most is that the author just doesn't focus on being chivalrous in the romantic sense but sheds light on how to conduct oneself in the business realm as well.

I'm sure once I complete this seemingly quick read, I'll be re-evaluating some things in my dating life. As the old saying goes, "a closed mouth don't get fed" so if I am to expect to be treated like a lady, I pretty much have to demand it. If they oppose, then I'll politely move along.

Drop me a line or two and in the meantime, follow Enitan Bereola II on Twitter @bereolaesque and be sure to grab the book via Amazon/eReader/iBooks.

1 comment:

  1. That's the problem now a days, we as women don't demand/expect men to be gentlemen. I was guilty of this. I believe that it goes back to us as women,and not knowing our value. It all goes back to self love and knowing we as women deserve ALL OF IT. Chivalry is not dead, it exists.