...welcome to the musings of the flawless amour...

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Day 21: Moment of Clarity

Today, I wanted to give up. I wanted to quit the challenge and stop writing. Thoughts of inadequacy and what the hell are you doing here? flooded my mind. There was no one to blame but myself though; I asked for the constructive criticism and that's exactly what I got from a like-minded artist. Because he told me something I already knew, the news didn't sting as bad. An amazing writer who I look up to told me the same thing months before.

For so long, I have depended on my peers to stroke my ego for encouragement, prompting their advice but receiving niceties in return. To no specific fault of their own but most just lack the ability to critique my work as it should be. As painful as it may be initially, I need to be told when I'm being loquacious. If I digress, help reel me back in. Whenever people show admiration for something I've done, I always get a little leery. I feel like I could have done something better. Or maybe I left something out.

I'm thankful to that like minded spirit who made me aware of my flaws today, providing me with quotes and well thought out logic to help reaffirm my own faith in self. I was assured that I would not run out of time (my biggest fear) and that the voice I was looking for had already been discovered. I was encouraged to enjoy the peaks and valleys that are my life with emphasis on the valleys because traveling through them are the most time consuming. Metaphorically speaking, knowledge is gained there.

Before this reaffirming conversation ended, I was met with a quote that went something along the lines of, "If you don't remember the journey it took to get here, you're doing something wrong." They couldn't have been more accurate. I took my rejected feelings and turned them into motivation. I can either sulk in my self-induced misery or do something to change my situation...

1 comment:

  1. You need NO affirmations, but your own. In scribing, our peers will "stroke our egos", & our mentors will cast their hierarchy, but constructive criticism is only constructive if it's true within you. If you feel as if the way you've been scribing is a stepping stone to the voice you'd like for yourself; keep it. Keep the late hours and toiling over well written books; it'll come. It's too early for critique. But you're right on time for growing. Loved this post btw; such vulnerability.