...welcome to the musings of the flawless amour...

Sunday, August 19, 2012

Day 18: All By Myself

*late post for yesterday for 8.18.2012*

Self reflection is very necessary and vital to one's well-being. Yesterday, I enjoyed some much needed me time after I split from my D.C. brova, @ItzWoodz. He was in town for the Bears/Redskins preseason game (we won. Go Bears!) and I couldn't let him leave without linking up with him. Over buffalo chicken wraps and brews from Sweetwater Tavern (favorite restaurant in the city), we caught up.  Never mind the fact that we met via Twitter almost four years ago and this was only our second time seeing each other. He filled me in on everything he had already gotten into since his arrival, the well-being of his two beautiful daughters, and his plans later that night. I'm still salty I couldn't make that party *insert sad face here*. I fool with this man heavy as he does me, looking out for me all the way from the nation's capital.

photo credit: me

We said our good-byes and he headed down to Soldier Field. It was an absolutely beautiful day in the city and I refused to go home right away. As I made my way over to State Street to do a little shopping, I took in all that Chicago had to offer. I always joke with people that whenever I'm downtown, no one can ever tell if I'm here visiting or not because I act just like a tourist each time. The architecture here is like no other, bringing out the inner photographer in all who wander about the streets. Effortlessly, I blended in with the millions of people who were out enjoying their day. They all seemed so carefree and I loved it.

As I perused the aisles at Nordstrom's Rack, I realized just how much I hate shopping. For as long as I can remember, I've been easily overwhelmed when I'm presented with a lot at one time. I felt weird, sifting through the racks for nothing in particular. As much as I tried to blend in with the other shoppers, it wasn't working. Soon after that, I found myself in Barnes & Noble, again, looking for nothing in particular. Lord knows I didn't need to buy another book, as I just did damage days before on Amazon (smh). I did okay though, leaving out with bell hooks' autobiography and maybe a tinge of buyer's remorse.

It was as I walked through Grant Park that I realized this is what life is about. In those few hours I spent with myself, I didn't worry about the things that usually keep me awake at night. I simply imagined that this was my everyday routine and that I'd return to my fully furnished loft full of black art and notable artifacts, nursing a glass of wine before bed. I was made for this kind of life.

photo credit: me again
Somehow I ended up in a park across from Millennium Park and I found a nice spot, secluded from the rest of the world. I was thankful because my body was beginning to curse me out from hours of non-stop walking. Taking in the skyline beyond a bed of yellow flowers I don't know the name of, I imagined where I see myself in the next few years. Where I plan to be and what it is I want to be doing. I looked to my left and though I couldn't see it beyond the trees, I imagined what was going on in the Ebony/Jet offices straight down Michigan Ave. I have this weird feeling that one day I'll run into the Editor-in-Chief of either Ebony or Jet (Amy D. Barnett & Mitzi Miller respectively) randomly. I've been practicing in my head what I will say if it happened. I'm still finessing it. The same goes for Anslem Samuel (@NWSO) and Starrene Rhett (@GangstarrGirl), two newlywed journalist by way of NY, also known as The Lovers Rocque.

The sky slowly transitioned from a vibrant, clear blue to a welcoming dark one and by 7:45, the sun was completely down and I was headed back to the train. I had been shaken from my daydream once I realized I hadn't secured a ride home from the station once I made it back to the suburbs. My suburban neighborhood isn't one you can just walk freely in after hours.

The ride home was peaceful and at that point, I made a promise to myself that instead of sitting in the house being miserable, I would make time for myself, where I can enjoy being outside. During my field trip the words of my adopted mentor, Rivaflowz, echoed in my head:
There is no muse on Google. Go for a walk. See life.
She could not have been more right. In that short time, I witnessed so many things, little things, that made me smile (there was a wedding photo shoot going on in Millennium Park that I'm convinced I'll see on Essence.com very soon). There were small children out, trying to soak up the last little bit of summer that was left before classes resume this fall. I found small bursts of inspiration in everything last night, even the homeless men who shook super-sized McDonald's cups out for passerbys to drop their loose change in.

I'm glad I got a chance to get out of the house yesterday. Even more glad that I got a chance to hang out with the funniest man I know and blessed that I got to take in the beauty that is God's work. Don't continue to be sucked into this digital world. It's okay to separate for a while and enjoy reality. I promise that you'll feel a lot better.
Buckingham Fountain
"and they say Chi city..."

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